The Other Side...
Welcome back to www.looweeze.com Its feels just fine to be masquerading out in cyber space once again.
For those of you who aren’t down with the DL ….is that a tautology? I am simply trying to add in as much street lingo as possible, gotta keep it real now that I am off…to the United States!
But fuck? Where have I been ? You might have heard a few humours, and well the official story is that I have been playing keys and singing in Lapis (check out www.lapisband.com) but really, we all know that’s a lie. The truth is I developed a sever addiction to horse tranquillisers while completing my apprenticeship as a jockey in Barbados. The troubles started slowley. At first the drugs served a purpose. I was failing all of my weigh ins because I couldn’t stop consuming coconut chocolates every waking hour (very good on the island) I was popping (severly) out of my shiny purple and yellow track suit and so my Trainer, “Farlaps Son” who yes, has taken the concept of stupid names for horses and applied it to himself, decided that in the lead up to The Biggest Horse Race Cup in town that he would knock me out, to stop me from eating. I slept for about 99 days, they had me on a drip, feeding me nothing but horse sleeping tablets and vitamins. When I woke I was 50 kilos lighter, quite well rested and ready to race. The problem was, now instead of craving coconut chocolates I craved the horse tranquillisers. We had two month tils the biggest race of my lifetime, the race that would have secured me as one of the worlds greatest female jockeys, but I couldn’t kick the habit, and it is hard to train when you are asleep. I snorted the stuff of the back of Chanel, my maires troter on the morning of the The Biggest Horse Race Cup in Town, and off her main during the race. Fell Asleep by the second lap, Chanel went haywire, and we crashed into the hotdog stand. Being a vegetarian, it was a sobering point. It took me a while but I cleaned up my act and decided that being a star jockey wasn’t for me. I just want to thank everyone in the equestrian fraternity for being so supportive of me hanging up my whip. And to YOU for reading this, know that horse tranquillisers are really for horses and you shouldn’t knock a jockey out on them, it could ruin her life.